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It is estimated that approximately 150,000 couples are struggling with infertility in our country today.
Dr. Sli БgotaHowever, in other cases, it may be the case that two people choose to raise another child of their own.
From the spiritual background of adoption, Dr. Slili Bogota, a psychiatrist and psychiatric pediatrician, was asked.
- By profession, he has met many couples who have decided that they would like to conceive another child. What do you need to prepare for adoptive parents?
Mostly, by the time the adoptive parents and the children who are willing to be admitted reach the adoption, by then on both sides, the child and the parents have undergone numerous traumas. This is a common ground in the lives of parents and children that they all have to accept and process.
- What traumas are most common?
Among the couples I approached were those who had lost their own children or had a conception problem, so they decided to adopt. It is important that this loss is processed and considered before adopting, as a new child cannot permanently mourn a lost child, nor should it play a role in the family. In addition, as I mentioned above, the child has certainly lost his or her own parents, either because they lost their parents or they may have given up on themselves.
How does this loss affect children?
Such children are psychologically mistaken for their world, their adult society, like their age-old, family-like peers. The loss of confidence in the new family will gradually erode. Of course, it does not matter if you are one year away from your family of expectation or grow up under institutional circumstances, as each stage of development has its own appeal and dynamism. It is most fortunate to be able to conceive a baby at a very young age, even in the newborn age, so that the development of your personality in the new family is free of problems. Newborn rescue programs help with this. If you have already йrtйk keserы the child csalуdбsok, pйldбul the original csalбdjбban kriminalizбciу, deviбns viselkedйsi formбk or frequent бtmeneti intйzeti elhelyezйs due to elйgtelen kцrьlmйnyek, the confidence viselkedйse, йs the szemйlyisйge valуszнnыleg sйrьlt more, this time mindenkйppen kйrni йrdemes segнtsйgйt professionals.
- Suppose a child was adopted in infancy. In such a case, many parents ask when to tell him or her whether to accept adoption or to say it at all.
This is a very difficult question to ask, you might not be able to answer it unequivocally. Experience has shown that it is by no means good to have a family secret. There is no exact recipe, you have to look for an age when the child is already curious about his or her own birth history. For the sake of trust, it is absolutely important that parents know the story of their birth, not that of a "cozy" cousin, but this difficult conversation needs to be done. Your child will definitely feel something different in their story, even though they may not be formulating it for a while, perhaps because they want to talk about themselves and their parents.
- What's worth paying attention to when talking?
It is very important that we never scold bloody parents. If we begin to say, for example, "Your mother was irresponsible for being discarded by herself," then the child will feel involuntarily and fear that she will be like her mother. This can lead, at least in adolescence, to a serious sense of identity, as the fear of being thrown away can lead to either anti-social behavior or anxiety. There is no need for long explanations or stories to talk about, but to choose what they want.
- This begs the question of how does a family communicate with the environment about adoption?
I think this is a request worth preparing in advance. After all, parents may just jump into the corner shop with the "new" family member, and unexpectedly come across an acquaintance, a fellow worker, who asks who the baby is holding his hands? But the environment asks its own questions even when we are having a baby, as many seem to have begun to have a baby without any sign of being pregnant. During the first one or two months, you do not have to introduce the new family member to everyone, let the common habits develop, everyone learns the role in the new formation.
- Overall, what advice do you have for parents who welcome you?
Consider your decisions well, because it comes to life. Also, be prepared for difficult situations because they will be and leave time for the child to integrate into the family. It is also important to accept that they have doubts, as it is only natural for them to wonder what happens if they do not have the child they were intended for? Experience shows that with the openness, patience, control and empathy you can create a true family. It is also important for parents not to ask for help, since adoption is a special situation for which there are no templates, no solutions.
Forrбs: Dr. Slili ggota, psychiatrist, psycho-pediatrician at the Versys Clinics Humane Reproduction Institute